You must talk to me

At MacRannochs House

Pictures from Outlander

Some Time later at the Abbey.….….…
The whole Scene (i just left some Wentworth Scenes out)

Mur­tagh hesi­ta­ted, as though choo­sing his wor­ds care­ful­ly. “Weel, it’s just…he’s deci­ded as it would be best for ye to lea­ve him here and go back to Scot­land. He — ”The rest of what he was say­ing was lost as I pushed my way rude­ly past him.
The hea­vy door swung shut with a soft thump behind me. Jamie was dozing, face­down on the bed. He was unco­ve­r­ed, clad only in a novice’s short gown; the char­co­al bra­zier in the cor­ner made the room com­for­ta­b­ly warm, if smo­ky.
He star­ted vio­lent­ly when I touched him. His eyes, still gla­zed with sleep, were sunk deep and his face was haun­ted by dreams. I took his hand bet­ween both of mine, but he wren­ched it away. With a look of near-des­pair, he shut his eyes and buried his face in the pil­low.
Try­ing not to exhi­bit any out­ward sign of dis­tur­ban­ce, I quiet­ly pul­led up a stool and sat down near his head. “I won’t touch you,” I said, “but you must talk to me.” I wai­ted for several minu­tes while he lay unmo­ving, shoul­ders hun­ched defen­si­ve­ly. At last he sig­hed and sat up, moving slow­ly and pain­ful­ly, swin­ging his legs over the edge of the cot. “Aye,” he said flat­ly, not loo­king at me, “aye, I sup­po­se I must. I should have done so before…but I was coward enough to hope I need not.” His voice was bit­ter and he kept his head bowed, hands clas­ped loo­se­ly around his knees. “I did­na used to think mys­elf a coward, but I am. I should have made Rand­all kill me, but I did not. I had no rea­son to live, but I was not bra­ve enough to die.” His voice drop­ped, and he spo­ke so soft­ly I could hard­ly hear him. “And I knew I would have to see you one last time…to tell you…but…Claire, my love…oh, my love.”

Picture from Outlander Ep.16
He picked up the pil­low from the bed and hug­ged it to him as though for pro­tec­tion, a sub­sti­tu­te for the com­fort he could not seek from me. He rested his forehead on it for a moment, gathe­ring strength.“When ye left me the­re at Went­worth, Clai­re,” he said quiet­ly, head still bowed, “I lis­tened to your foots­teps, going away on the flags out­side, and I said to mys­elf, I’ll think of her now. I’ll remem­ber her; the feel of her skin and the scent of her hair and the touch of her mouth on mine. I’ll think of her until that door opens again. And I’ll think of her tomor­row, when I stand on the gal­lows, to give me cou­ra­ge at the last. Bet­ween the time the door opens, and the time I lea­ve this place to die” — the big hands clen­ched brief­ly and rela­xed — “I will not think at all,” he finis­hed soft­ly.…

Jamie Fraser

.……I wan­ted to stop Jamie, to tell him that he didn’t need to go on, must not go on, but I bit my lip hard to keep from speaking and clas­ped my own hands tight toge­ther to keep from tou­ching him.…..

Clai­re, I did not want to think of you. I could­na bear to be the­re, naked, and…like that…and to remem­ber loving you. It was blas­phe­my. I meant to wipe you from my mind, and only to…exist, so long as I must. But he would not allow it.” Wet­ness sho­ne on his cheeks, but he was not cry­ing now.“He tal­ked. All during it, he tal­ked to me. Part­ly it was thre­ats, and part­ly it was love talk, but often it was you.”
“Me?” My voice, unu­sed for so long, came out of my strai­ned throat as litt­le more than a cro­ak. He nod­ded, loo­king down at the pil­low again.
“Aye. He was most ter­ri­b­ly jea­lous of you, you know.”.….….….….….….….……

He shook his head slow­ly, still gazing down at his feet.
“The…it’s all lin­ked for me now. I can­na think of you, Clai­re, even of kis­sing you or tou­ching your hand, without fee­ling the fear and the pain and the sick­ness come back. I lie here fee­ling that I will die without your touch, but when you touch me, I feel as though I will vomit with shame and loat­h­ing of mys­elf. I can­na even see you now without…” His forehead rested on knot­ted fists, knuck­les dug hard into his eye-sockets. The ten­dons of his neck were shar­ply etched with strain, and his voice came half-muf­fled.

Picture from Outlander
Clai­re, I want you to lea­ve me. Go back to Scot­land, to Craigh na Dun. Go back to your place, to your…husband. Mur­tagh will take you safe, I’ve told him.” He was silent for a moment, and I did not move.He loo­ked up again with despe­ra­te bra­very, and spo­ke very sim­ply.
“I will love you as long as I live, but I can­not be your hus­band any lon­ger. And I will not be less to you.” His face began to break apart. “Clai­re, I want you so bad­ly that my bones shake in my body, but God help me, I am afraid to touch you!”

Claire and Jamie Fraser
I star­ted up to go to him, but he stop­ped me with a sud­den moti­on of his hand. He was half dou­bled up, face con­tor­ted with inter­nal strugg­le, and his voice was strang­led and bre­ath­less.
“Claire…please. Plea­se go. I’m going to be ver­ra sick, and I don’t want you to see it. Please.”I heard the plea­ding in his voice and knew I must spa­re him this one indi­gni­ty, at least. I rose, and for the first time in my pro­fes­sio­nal life, left a sick man to his own devices, hel­pless and alo­ne.

All rights for the Pic­ture go to the right­ful owner Starz
Excer­pts and Quo­te by Diana Gabal­don from “Out­lan­der“
I own not­hing but the editing

Heike Ginger Ba Written by:

|Human|Woman|Mother|Wife|Friend| Photographer| Blogger|
|TV-Junkie|Photoshop-Beginner|Art-Lover|Cologne-based|Outlander-addict |Sherlockian |TWD-devoted

5 Comments

  1. Maggie Rios
    June 18
    Reply

    I sim­ply love love your arti­stry

  2. Maggie Rios
    June 18
    Reply

    I didn’t get to finish my last com­ment. Thank you so much; you do such lovely work.

    • Heike Ginger Ba
      June 18
      Reply

      Hi Mag­gie

      thank you again for yor kindness…hope to see you soon again here 🙂 LG Hei­ke

  3. Betty
    June 19
    Reply

    The lar­ge images & the clear text- gre­at!!! All beau­ti­ful­ly put toge­ther too- love your work. I read the books a while ago & of cour­se the tv series make me want to read them again. But DG’s wor­ds, she is gifted with such ide­as and being able to com­po­se a sto­ry that is uni­ma­gin­ab­le and so .… Thank you for sharing such lovely excerpts. I found you today & hope to return again.

    • Heike Ginger Ba
      June 19
      Reply

      Hi Bet­ty,

      thank you for you visit! Glad you like my work..i love the books and the show of cour­se too ! Yes, DG is a Geni­us :)..Hope you return too…LG Hei­ke

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